Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Bradgelina Hits the Newstands

the game starts today. i know we've all been excited to finish the draft and it's finally done. and not a moment too soon as the new cover was unveiled just a few short minutes ago. looks like kat is well on her way to an early lead. of course, i have gwen and aniston on the cover so really, i'll be nipping right at her heels.

Who will win?

Early Odds-On Favorite: Desiree. Britney and Denise should provide tabloid coverage forever. Can her boys (Ashton, Justin, Jake) keep up? Do they even need to for Des to win?

Dark Horse: Lilly. With two of the best men (Brad and Vince), both of whom are poised for huge summers in the magazine, Lilly might not need much more than party princess Paris alongside her pillars of male strength.

Destined for the Cellar: All the boys. It sure looks like the boys are giving an early advantage to most of the girls' teams. Questionable picks abound. Keira Knightley, Round 2 worthy? Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom, 1 and 2 picks for your team? Jennifer Aniston over Jessica Simpson? Tom Cruise overall #2 pick? Bruce Willis? The boys better hope they know what they're doing, otherwise they may quickly be relegated to backpage status.

Jamie Foxx with two "X's"

it's starting to dawn on me that if you can't spell your celebrity's name right, you probably shouldn't be playing this game. but it's okay. why penalize the bad spellers when they already suffer so? in this circle of so called "celebrity experts," i've seen more misspellings during the draft than should be acceptable.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Team Rosters (Week 1)

Angelina Jolie
Sarah Jessica Parker
Matthew McConaughey
Demi Moore
Adam Brody
Gavin Rossdale

Tom Cruise
Teri Hatcher
Halle Berry
Paul Abdul
George Clooney
Patrick Dempsey

Lindsay Lohan
Keira Knightley
Jennifer Lopez
Ryan Seacrest
David Arquette
Adam Sandler

Paris Hilton
Brad Pitt
Vince Vaugn
Katharine McPhee
Beyonce Knowles
Jack Black

Britney Spears
Denise Richards
Katie Holmes
Ashton Kutcher
Justin Timberlake
Jake Gyllenhall

Jennifer Aniston
Nick Lachey
Gwen Stefani
Ben Affleck
Rachel McAdams
Bruce Willis

Jessica Simpson
Kevin Federline
Carmen Electra
Sean Preston Spears
Misha Barton
Jude Law

Nicole Richie
Kristin Cavalerri
Nicole Kidman
Taylor Hicks
Matt Damon
Gwen's Baby

Eva Longoria
Jessica Alba
Sienna Miller
Maddox Jolie-Pitt
Hugh Jackman
Colin Farrell

Johnny Depp
Orlando Bloom
Kelly Clarkson
Kate Bosworth
Heather Locklear
Jamie Foxx

Draft Recap and Analysis

1. kat - Angelina Jolie
2. amit - Tom Cruise
3. ryan - Lindsay Lohan
4. lilly - Paris Hilton
5. des - Britney Spears
6. jon - Jennifer Aniston
7. janelle- Jessica Simpson
8. george - Nicole Ritchie
9. tabitha - Eva Longoria
10. hong - Johnny Depp

passing over the holy triumverate of blondes (paris, britney, jessica), kat takes angelina with the first overall draft choice. let's hope her faith in bradgelina's baby being born asap pans out (and it turns out it did). "us weekly" has exclusive rights to the jolie-pitt child so that pretty much assures cover points for kat and angelina.

in a shocker, britney spears' trashy ass drops all the way down to pick five where des was more than happy to take her in two seconds flat. however, britney's had two covers recently, so does that mean the tabloid queen is old news already?

clearly a reach at number six, jennifer aniston flies off the board ahead of stalwarts like jessica simpson and nicole ritchie. huge mistake or briliant anticipation?

10. hong - Orlando Bloom
9. tabitha - Jessica Alba
8. george - Kristin Cavalleri
7. janelle - Kevin Federline
6. jon - Nick Lachey
5. des - Denise Richards
4. lilly - Brad Pitt
3. ryan - Keira Knightley
2. amit - Teri Hatcher
1. kat - Sarah Jessica Parker

to start the second round, a true stunner as pretty boy hongshin picks pretty boy orlando bloom. pretty boys have to stick together i guess. better stock up on that plus sized bottle of "nair for men." our expert female analysts says that jessica alba is a strong pick because her elegant sense of style will never land her in a compromising position and despite a dearth of projects (not to mention actual acting ability) is featured most weeks in the magazine.

rumors indicate that that jessica simpson is lonely and looking for some comfort from ex-husband lachey. she was recently heard saying, "i have huge regrets about splitting with nicky, he's such a stud. i want him back." after much research, ryan reaches a little bit for keira knightley. he (and hong) better hope that pirates of the caribbean 2 gets huge media coverage.

1. kat - Matthew Mcconaughey
2. amit - Halle Berry
3. ryan - Jennifer Lopez
4. lilly - Vince Vaughn
5. des - Katie Holmes
6. jon - Gwen Stefani
7. janelle - Carmen Electra
8. george - Nicole Kidman
9. tabitha - Sienna Miller
10. hong - Kelly Clarkson

in a move every draft expert foresaw, amit takes his favorite gal, halle berry. the naacp celebrates. denzel's stock rises dramatically. super sleeper sienna miller is a quiet trendsetter and a darling of the media set. desiree, clearly doing her research from past issues, follows up recent hot news items britney and denise with katie -- are all three destined for a fall? or can they keep on trucking? in a move behind the times, jon selects gwen AFTER she already had her baby -- whoops. ms gharehmani continues with the patented "take the best player available" strategy. maybe she anticipates "brad versus vaughn, round 1" in a few weeks?

10.hong - Kate Bosworth
9.tabitha -Maddox Jolie-Pitt - Taylor Hicks
7.janelle - Sean Preston Spears
6.jon - Ben Affleck
5.des - Ashton Kutcher - Katharine McPhee
3.ryan - Ryan Seacrest
2.amit - Paula Abdul
1.kat - Demi Moore

a vitriolic email was sent by an anonymous player accusing george of using a stall tactic on wednesday night to select recent american idol winner taylor hicks. george denies all allegations and used the cunning defense of, "ask jon g! ask jon g!" a rush of american idol selections follow up mr hicks. mcphee, seacrest, and paula all get taken in this round. simon is amusingly pissed. randy is sad he can't be one of the dawgs.

a tip of the hat goes to tabitha for breaking the barrier between young celebrities and young babies of celebrities. maddox jolie-pitt was much lusted after by many. after that insightful selection, janelle moves quickly to grab the first spears-federline spawn, thus completing the highly sought after male side of that family for her team.

1.kat - Adam Brody
2.amit - George Clooney
3.ryan - David Arquette - Beyonce Knowles
5.des - Justin Timberlake
6.jon - Rachel McAdams
7.janelle -Mischa Barton - Matt Damon
9.tabitha - Hugh Jackman
10.hong - Jamie Foxx

10. Hong - Heather Locklear
9. Tabitha - Colin Farrell
8. George - Kingston James Mcgregor Rossdale
7. Janelle - Jude Law
6. Jon - Bruce Willis
5. Des - Jake Gyllenhaal
4. Lilly - Jack Black
3. Ryan. - Adam Sandler
2. Amit. - Patrick Dempsey
1. Kat - Gavin Rossdale

fliers are going out on the likes of david arquette, rachel mcadams, patrick dempsey, that kind of thing. can any one of these late round picks move up to all star status? their owners are hoping so. best pick in this round? maybe gavin rossdale, who might sneak in with some nice coverage. colin farrell might resume his partying ways too, with a new movie to promote. worst pick? we won't name names here.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

The Rules

the draft will go like this: it's called a "snake draft" meaning we wrap around so #8 picks twice at the end of Rd 1 and the beginning of Rd 2.

Round 1: #1-10
Round 2: #10-1
Round 3: #1-10
Round 4: #10-1

you can pick males or females in any order. so if you want to take 3 females before you take a male, that's fine. but you must take a total of 3 males and 3 females.

3 female celebrities
3 male celebrities

scoring system (each time one of your celebrities shows up, score it accordingly)

5 pts -- cover picture
3 pts -- cover inset picture
1 pt -- picture inside the magazine (each picture)
-2 pts --showing up in "they do it too!" or the bad "fashion police" section
each picture inside the magazine will be worth 1 point. as long as they are identifiable as your celebrity (all questionable pictures will be reviewed by the commissioner), the point is yours. backs of heads will not count unless it's clearly the celebrity in question.

there have been times in us weekly where they ran a calendar spread of a celebrity (lindsay lohan). the number of pictures included in those 2 pages were about 15. initially i wanted to set a cap for the number of points one could receive from a set of pictures. but for now, we'll just do the 1 point per picture.

so if there's some boxed feature about the many outfits of teri hatcher through the years and there are 5 pictures of her all side by side, it counts as 5 points. we may have to change this eventually. but for now, enjoy the windfall.

add/drops (waivers)
we will allow add/drops of new players from the release of the new issue, friday, until the following tuesday. the reason for shutting down is that by tuesday, you can find most of the new us weekly's contents online.

add/drops will work through a simple reverse order of standings from that week (so if i'm in last place, i get the first choice of waivers that week). the first week of competition, waivers will not be available.

once a player is dropped, they are not available for pick up until the week after they were dropped.

trades are allowed. any combination of players can be traded. if more players are traded away than received, the roster will be filled out through the next waiver process.