How It Began...

Celebulous Celebrity Fantasy Rules

call me. stalk you. inspired by a recent bill simmon's column on fantasy leagues, i am going to strike while the idea is hot and start my own celebrity fantasy league. you will draft celebrities and then accrue points for the appearance of your celebrity in that most essential of gossip rags, "us weekly." girls, stop screaming, i know it's a dream come true. it's really a ploy to get you to play a fantasy game that you can really get behind so that you will graduate to real fantasy sports. and guys, you know you read us weekly, keep it real, join the league too.

what you'll need:
(1) access to us weekly each week
(2) dedication to wasting your time reading about celebrities
(3) a thorough knowledge of aforementioned celebrities
(4) not a whole lot more quite frankly

here are the proposed rules:
(1) a trial ten week season (june through about august including the playoffs)
(2) head-to-head weekly matchups
(3) you will receive points based on how often one of your celebrities' pictures appears in that week's issue -- 5 pts for a cover, 3 pts for a cover inset, 2 pts for solo picture in the issue, 1 pt for a group picture in the issue, etc.
(4) you will have 3 female celebrities and 3 male celebrities on your team
(5) we will conduct a draft via email to acquire our celebrities
(6) you will be able to add/drop celebrities each week before setting lineups on friday for the upcoming week.

detailed rules and the exact way this will all work available to interested parties later. for now, who wants to play? yes george, i see you, who else?
5.15.2006 : 11:39 PM

Overall Standings (WK 6) FINAL

(1) Janelle -- 120
(2) Jon -- 101
(3) Des -- 92
(4) Lilly -- 71
(5) George -- 66

(6) Kat -- 59
(7) Ryan -- 44
(8) Hong -- 36
(9) Amit -- 30
(10) Tabitha -- 29

A model of consistency, our champion and inaugural official celebrity expert is Janelle. Never finishing worse than 3rd place in any of the weeks of competition, Janelle also never scored lower than 13 points in any of her weeks. In fact, with an average of 20pts per week, Janelle could set the new scoring standard for many seasons to come. Fueled by super baby Sean Preston Spears (44 pts) and the partying duo of Jessica Simpson (25 pts) and Kevin Federline (24 pts), Janelle took on all comers and really pulled away in Week Five as she managed a dominating 24 point performance to secure the lead and the win. Even lesser lights like Carmen Electra and Mischa Barton combined for 19 points on the season, nearly outpacing the output of some of our league's weaker teams.

A big high-five to Janelle for winning, and a year's worth of US Magazines to you!

To look at our league's final detailed scoring, please click on this Excel file. We're so high tech here.

Top Five Individuals (WK 6)

Girls
(1) Britney Spears -- 67
(2) Jennifer Aniston -- 48
(3) Angelina Jolie -- 37
(4) Nicole Kidman -- 29
(5) Jessica Simpson -- 25

Guys
(1) Sean Preston Spears -- 44
(2) Kevin Federline -- 24
(3) Brad Pitt -- 22
(4) Vince Vaughn -- 21
(5) Nick Lachey / Tom Cruise -- 14

Week Six Scores

(1) George -- 14
(2) Amit -- 14
(3) Janelle -- 13
(4) Jon -- 10
(5) Hong -- 8

(6) Tabitha -- 7
(7) Lilly -- 6
(8) Kat -- 4
(9) Ryan -- 2
(10) Des -- 1

Heading into our final week, Amit finally goes from ashy to classy. Behind a Tom Cruise cover, Amit scores a nifty 14 points and is vindicated for the season. In a battle of the exes, Nicole Kidman scored 11 points to Tom's 10 points, vaulting George to number one for the week in a tie-breaker. In other exciting news, Hong cracks the Top 5 yet again with another semi-strong showing. For some reason, Tori Spelling wasn't picked up even after a huge cover and article last week. Her cover insert goes unscored. Des must be rueing the day she dropped Katie Holmes, especially since Britney finally, finally, disappeared (almost) from the pages of the magazine.

Top Five Individuals (WK 5)

Girls
(1) Britney Spears -- 68
(2) Jennifer Aniston -- 42
(3) Angelina Jolie -- 35
(4) Jessica Simpson -- 20
(5) Nicole Ritchie / Lindsay Lohan -- 19

Guys
(1) Sean Preston Spears -- 43
(2) Kevin Federline -- 24
(3) Brad Pitt -- 22
(4) Vince Vaughn -- 19
(5) Nick Lachey -- 13

Team Rosters (Week 5)

Kat
Angelina Jolie
Sarah Jessica Parker
Matthew McConaughey
Scarlett Johansson
Adam Brody
Gavin Rossdale

Amit
Tom Cruise
Teri Hatcher
Halle Berry
Paul Abdul
George Clooney
Patrick Dempsey

Ryan
Lindsay Lohan
Keira Knightley
Jennifer Lopez
Ryan Seacrest
Marc Anthony
Adam Sandler

Lilly
Paris Hilton
Brad Pitt
Vince Vaugn
Katharine McPhee
Beyonce Knowles
Ryan Reynolds

Des
Britney Spears
Denise Richards
Cameron Diaz
Jude Law
Justin Timberlake
Jake Gyllenhall

Jon
Jennifer Aniston
Nick Lachey
Gwen Stefani
Ben Affleck
Ashlee Simpson
Adrian Grenier

Janelle
Jessica Simpson
Kevin Federline
Carmen Electra
Sean Preston Spears
Mischa Barton
Keith Urban (drop Ryan Phillipe)

George
Nicole Richie
Kristin Cavalerri
Nicole Kidman
Taylor Hicks
Matt Damon
Richie Sambora

Tabitha
Eva Longoria
Jessica Alba
Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
Maddox Jolie-Pitt
Hugh Jackman
Colin Farrell

Hong
Johnny Depp
Orlando Bloom
Reese Witherspoon
Kate Bosworth
Heather Locklear
Jamie Foxx

TomKat!

Finally, a sigh of relief as TomKat makes an appearance on the cover. Too little too late maybe, but at least the Spears-Federlines were shut out of the cover for the first time. And how about that Nicole Kidman? She's on the cover for two weeks in a row and that's just gotta warm George's heart. Nobody thought Tori Spelling would be on the cover again (she's still a free agent)? Shame shame...